RIP “The Peaceful Shit”


One thing that pregnancy books neglect to tell you when your precious little bun is in the oven is that you will never again be able to take a peaceful shit.

It’s not enough that you’re creating life and all the wonder and joy that stems from doing so. It’s not enough that you feel like you’re going to be drowning in diapers and mushy baby food. It’s not enough that you will be sleep deprived for years to come. Even when they start sleeping through the night, you’ll have sleepless nights when they go to their first sleepover or go to their first high school party…you get my drift.

Every pregnancy book should have a chapter to mourn the loss of “The Peaceful Shit”.

The chapter should focus on the fact that going to bathroom will no longer be a peaceful, unhurried act and that going to the bathroom becomes a race to see if you can finish before anyone notices. Going to the bathroom will also be reminiscent of being a boss with an open door policy. Interruptions are expected and no matter what kind of meeting you’re having in there, the little worker bees are going to interrupt with inane questions like, ‘Hey, Mom…the sky is blue today, did you see it?’

So, RIP “The Peaceful Shit” — you will be sorely missed.


Speak Your Mind